These vehicles turned out to be as boring as a public television phone-a-thon, but by name had so much potential to be legendary:

Chevrolet Celebrity:

With a name like “Celebrity,” one conjures up images of paparazzi flash-bulbs, movie premieres, glamour and fame. What you don’t think of is wood paneling, great gas mileage and a four-door family sedan. Debuting in 1981, the Chevrolet Celebrity was born into the 80’s at the same time Burt Reynolds was starring in Cannonball Run and the Smokey and the Bandit series, when Tom Cruise was winning hearts across the world in Top Gun and Tom Selleck was throwing a Ferrari 308 GTS around every corner of Oahu, Hawaii, in Magnum P.I. The Chevrolet Celebrity’s biggest claim to fame? It was the best selling car in the United States in 1986. The allure? It was practical. In the 1984 model year Chevrolet added a third row to the station wagon model, the first time since 1977. Gas mileage was recorded at 24 city/39 highway in some model years. It was a showboat, but it lacked the glitz and glamour of Hollywood. A celebrity by name, and name only. Hell, Chevrolet even killed it off to focus development on the Lumina, of all things.

Dodge Avenger:

The first generation Avenger coupe, left, and the reimagined family sedan Avenger, right.

A superhero the Avenger was not. It’s hard to believe, but the Avenger got worse with time over its near-decade in production. Debuting in 1995 as a sports coupe, the Avenger was a step-sibling of both the Mitsubishi Eclipse and the Chrysler Sebring. It’s hard to believe but this forgettable coupe with the grinning front fascia shared DNA with the street racing legend that the Eclipse became. At its peak, the Avenger coupe made 163 horsepower. Things only went downhill after Dodge reimagined the Avenger as a four-door sedan in 2007, one with only a single super power: Boring you into a state of complacency. So complacent that the new design featured a base engine, a 2.4L GEMA I4, that was shared among DaimlerChrysler, Mitsubishi and Hyundai. None of whom were making overly exciting mid-size sedans in the early 2000s. Dodge’s superhero finished production in 2014, leaving a legacy as a $2,000 AutoTrader find.

Oldsmobile Intrigue:

When I think of a vehicle named the Intrigue, I would think of an exotic concept car. Sharp curves, over-sized wheel arches. Something futuristic, something avant garde and unheard of. What I don’t imagine is an Oldsmobile. However, Oldsmobile used up this moniker on a four-door midsize sedan that was produced for just five years. What was most intriguing (I had to; forgive me) about this vehicle is how much effort General Motors put into making it work, only to have it be the first vehicle to be killed off as Oldsmobile ultimately met its maker. Not only did General Motors produce a special 3.5L “Shortstar” engine for the Intrigue in 1999, they toted the Intrigue around on a national press tour following its launch, even going so far as spending the money to have it placed in the X-Files: Fight the Future movie of 1998. To cap off five years of trying to make the Intrigue special, when it really wasn’t, GM went so far as to produce numbered Final 500 Collectors Edition models. For some reason, I don’t foresee the value of those 500 cars hitting the roof anytime soon.

Pontiac Vibe:

The only real vibe anyone got from owning this hardly exciting Pontiac hatchback was regret. The Vibe was the sibling to the Toyota Matrix, two vehicles that were designed jointly by General Motors and Toyota in the 2000s. Both vehicles were originally marketed like hot hatchbacks at a time when the small SUV and crossover market was gaining traction. They were a play at a younger, money conscious crowd that was looking for decent fuel economy, options like all-wheel-drive, and sub-$20,000 starting prices. All well and good, but for anyone purchasing a Vibe for the sensation of cool and excitement, as the name would imply, was left wanting for all of it. The Vibe was on the production line when GM put a nail in the Pontiac coffin in 2009. But not before suffering a long line of recalls for both first and second generation models, including the fabled Takata airbag recall. Meaning you were left with bad vibes and a lot of time spent in a GM service center waiting room. Hopefully the coffee and popcorn were decent.

Mercury Mystique:

Mercury must have been in retrograde when this thing was named.

For comic book nerds, Mystique is the X-Men character that little boy dreams were made of. Her shape-shifting character was defined by blue body paint, full-body scales and flame-red hair. That Mystique held ten times the mystery and je ne sais quoi than the econo-sedan that Mercury produced in the ‘90s by the same name. In fact, the definition of mystique, which is “a fascinating aura of mystery, awe, and power surrounding someone or something” has approximately zero relation to the Mercury sedan that was the sibling of the Ford Topaz. There’s not really outstanding to say about this little car with rounded everything, including a giant, bright red rear lighting treatment. Well, one thing can be said: the person who developed the name likely received a giant pat on the back. The ensuing development on the automotive end was phoned in.

Honorable Mention:

Alternate story idea: Vehicles sold with matching trailers. How many could there be?

Plymouth Prowler:

The word “prowler” evokes thoughts of beady eyes traversing a cold alleyway, the darkened figure waiting to swiftly pounce on its victim with accuracy, speed and furor. Not a hot rod wannabe with a matching trailer towed behind it, though, right?

The Plymouth/Chrysler Prowler of the late ‘90’s and early 2000s wasn’t nearly quick nor agile. Furthermore, the majority of the models sold were outfitted in bright red, in-your-face Inca Gold metallic yellow and the pervasive Prowler Purple. It was hard for any of them to hide.

Full transparency: The Plymouth Prowler was one of my “gotta-have-it” vehicles as a kid. Truth be told, it wouldn’t matter if the thing was a four-cylinder, 100-horsepower dud of a lump of steel. In 1997, at the ripe age of 10, it was the shit. That is, until I learned that the vehicle that Chrysler gave their designers full carte blanche to design was one of the most boring cars to drive.

My very first boss had a Mulholland Blue Prowler. I was 15 at the time, and made subtle hints during every shift I worked washing dishes, that I wanted to go for a ride in it. One day, he needed an extra hand at his second restaurant. We climbed into the Prowler, my childhood fantasies all coming true. Images of tires lighting up with smoke, quick corners and fast straight-aways were filling my head. Until I realized it wasn’t my boss’s old-man driving that made the trip kind of forgettable, it was the car. Come to find out, a 4-speed automatic six-cylinder, even one making 250 horsepower, wasn’t enough to even keep me awake on the ride to work. The ride was marked by my head meeting the window sill as I nodded off in the passenger seat. No joke.

5 Cars That Never Lived Up To Their Names